Sorry..

Salam..

I am not going to play words today. I want to express them directly.

What do i feel now? Dunno. Mad? Sad? Obviously not happy. Mad? Anger perhaps. To who? Myself. Y? Coz i turned down someone. Does it make me sad? Yes. Y? Becoz even we said, we r friends, but the gap is there. I cud see n predict we wud be more careful in future talking to each other.

My weakness is i want to be everybody's friend. I love to make friends. I love to chat, share jokes n stories, to smile and laugh to everyone. Those acts make me happy. Make me smile. They cheer up my day. I think that is y i chosed to own a blackberry. With bbm, i cud just broadcast jokes to everyone in the list. They reply or not, doesnt matter. As long as i know someone is smiling reading it, enuf to make me happy.

Who r the audience of my jokes? Many types of ppl. My friends, wisers, teachers, even relatives. And usually the jokes r dirty jokes. But who cares? All r adult..

Some advice me, i shud be aware of my audience. They might not like those jokes. Or they might misintepret them. My mistake, i ignored those warn. And now, i am paying the price of my warm and friendly attitude.

As i said earlier, i nvr chose my audience. Means that i am not choosy in making friends. Singles, husbands, wives, gays, straights, nerd. All in my list. I treat all equally. I am not prejudiced. And i love these ppl. I love to share the warmth of me.. I dont like the cold n blue to surround these ppl.

But what make me sad is, some had misunderstood my warmth. They grew feeling, irrelevant and unwanted feelings. Not only a person, but more than 10 so far. No need to mention who they r. N some had confessed. And the latest one, was few hours ago. I wonder y.. Do i show any sign or signals that i want to be more than friends? Sorry if i sound tom harsh. I might consider the options if those ppl r singles and available. The prob is, they r not!

Gosh, i am a warm, friendly, easy going person. I really love to mix around with ppl. But really when this kind of situation occurs, i really feel uneasy. Not with those ppl, but with myself. I keep on thinking, what had i shown to ppl? Did i say something that made them fall for me? Did i treat them more than i shud? What? Tell me what??

I am sad with myself. I am mad with myself. Coz i dont like to make ppl sad. Once i turned ppl down, they will be sad, wont they.. And i just hate that idea. I want ppl to be happy. I want ppl to smile, as i love to smile. Yeah, some things r out of our control. But we can control ourselves, rite.

I do hope, please, i dont want anything that will ruin the friendship and warmth that are built between us. I do really appreciate all ppl that had come to my life. I do love all. Male or female. Youngster or adults, even the veterens. Blood or friends. From past, or even future friends. I love all..

I know, what i might write after this is not gonna be sounded good to you. My request is, again, my request, if, it happened that anyone, after this, might sense something that is not appropriate to be, please, try your best to put them aside when dealing with me. If cudnt, just dont ever express it to me. I will feel uneasy. Again, enough husbands and ppl fianceé.. Please dont take my smile away with those confession. I dont wanna act harsh.. I hate to act harsh. Harsh acts make me feel guilty..

Sorry if my entry this time makes me look snobbish, high-flown, big-headed, or arrogant. I just dont wanna to hurt others feelings.. Not only me and u, but my concern is the ppl around u..

I do respect ppl, so i hope, ppl cud respect me too. That is all. Tq 4 reading..

Salam..