Bencinta..

Salam..

Pala maken semak!

Pala maken sakit!

Kau kate kau sayang.. Kau kate kau xnk ilang aku sekali lagi.. Kau kate kau xnk aku pergi lagi sekali.. Kau kate kehadiran aku semula melengkapkan idop ko..

Tapi..

Bile aku di sini, kau xpeduli aku. Bila aku bertanya, kau xmenjawab. Bila aku bercerita kau xendah. Yang kau kisahkan, hanyalah diri kau!

Tidak sedikit pun kau tanye kabar aku. Tak sdiket pun kau tanya apa yg berlaku pada aku. Mana aku pd kau? Mane kekata manes kau memujuk aku kala aku perlukan kau?

Kau pernah kate kau tidak mahu aku menanges lagi. Kau pernah kate, skang aku xkan menanges lagi.. Tp knape kau terus buat aku menanges?

Aku tak mintak masa dpn dgn kau. Aku tahu aku berdiri di mana. Aku tahu kau siapa. Yg aku minta dr kau hanya lah kasih sayang kau. Perhatian kau. Masa kau sdiket utk aku. Aku xmintak kau jumpa aku slalu. Aku xmintak kau kol aku slalu. Sms kau pun da cukup buat aku rasa di ingati. Dan bkn spjg masa aku mintak kau sms. Cukup kalo kau tanya khabar aku. Tanya xtvt aku..

Kau penah minta izin utk pggl aku syg. Dan aku bnarkan. Tp yg aku dpt, hanyalah i n u.

Aku syg kau mcm dulu. Syg yg aku simpan rapi n aku tanam dalam ati aku dr dulu. Xpnah aku bgtau sesiapa. Hanya bila kau tiba smule, aku gali n kua kan.. Aku ingat syg aku akan dijaga rapi, tp rupanya kau biarkan ia dingin. Aku jd marah dan sgt kecewa..

Aku ase nk lari sgt! Nk lari dr kau. Ase nk buang kau. Tp kaki aku xleh bergerak. Aku xleh nk melangkah.. Aku terus menoleh ke arah kau. Even dr jauh. Even aku kene selak tirai tu utk memandang kau. Tp kau tetap dingin..

Apa yg kau nk lakukan pd aku sbnrnya? Kau nk balas semua kesakitan kau dulu pd aku? Kau lupa aku juga mangsa keadaan dulu? Kau lupa aku juga sakit dulu ngan keadaan itu?

Tolong lah.. Sakit tu sampai sekarang aku ase.. Kau bg aku ase bahagia, tp sekelip mata kau rentap bahagia tu dgn kedinginan kau..

Kalo dulu aku terduduk, kali ni aku da tejelepuk xmampu aku nk bgn..

Mmg ini yang kau nk lakukan pd aku ke?

Di Dalam Sepi Itu

salam..

irene pertama kali dapat tdo awal mlm td.. itu pun sbb da makan ponstant sbb sakit ngat pala..

tp cam bese laa.. at 5 jek celik da mata.. pusing kiri, pusing kanan, still denyut g pala.. hmm.. xleh nak bangun.. just baring jek..

pandang siling.. tekebil2.. tetibe dgr azan.. hmm suboh da...

try bangun.. ase lemah sangat.. pala pusing g..

capai handfon, update status.. "wont be able to go to work".. aku wisau aku pusing kalo drive.. cam smlm..

switch on lappy.. kat sebelah bantal.. then abah kol.. suh bangun.. aku jwb aku x larat.. still pala pusing...

tgk update.. then de kak mashi letak satu vc dari you tube.. lagu lama sudirman.. (mcm sudirman de lagu baru..) lagu pe tu? dalam sepi? aisshhhh..



stendet aaa carik lirik..

hmmm.. dgr, baca, hayaati.. air mata aku gugur lagi..
siksa sangat laa ase..

aku xmintak nk jd lemah camni.
ase nak lari sangat.. dari rasa cam ni...

Serasa diri ini
Terpinggir di batas nan sepi
Tak sesiapa menemani

Di dalam sepi itu
Kembali ku mengingati mu
Lalu hati jadi rindu

Aku terperangkap dalam diri
Aku terpedaya oleh mimpi
Aku dikejari bayang-bayang
Keterpaksaan menyiksakan

Lama ruang hati kekosongan
Lama ku menangis sendirian
Lama hanyalah hitungan masa
Tak terluntur kenangan indah
Di antara kita

Di dalam sepi itu
Bertakhta bayangan dirimu
Mencengkam sanubariku

......

DERITA MERINDU - Ahli Fikir..

salam...
ari nih layan ewok g teman anak dier makan..
aku g ngan maz blur..

our conversation, menmacam...
bab anak dier, bab keje, bab personal life kitwang..
non-stop..

then anta ewok balik.. dier de party besdey malam neh..

otw balik, layan HOT FM. tu jek laa pon stesen yang aku leh layan..
sekali kua satu lagu yang wat aku berfikir...
da nama penyanyi tu pun AHLI FIKIR..
jadi aku fikirlah ape yang disampaikan lirik lagu tuu...


Ahli Fiqir - Derita Merindu

Kau katakan cinta gunakan akal
Bila aku gunakan
Kau yang menyangkal
Bagaimana nak kekal
Kau katakan cinta gunakan minda
Bila aku gunakan
Kau yang tak percaya
Bagaimana nak bahagia

Maafmu tak bererti
Kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Chorus
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu
Tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

Dan aku cuba sedaya upaya
Telah ku usaha dengan sepenuh jiwa
Bagaimana hendak ku lupa
Bayangan wajahmu selalu di depan mata
Harum baumu masih dapat ku hidu
Bagaimana ingin aku membencimu
Jikalau setiap hari merindu
Sekiranya derita merinduimu
Itu sebenarnya bahagia
Aku pilih derita

Ulang Chorus

Mungkinkah esok atau lusa
Walau biarpun lama
Akan ku biar tiada
Ku tetap kan setia
Entah bila akan tiba
Sampai jua harimu yang sama
Esok seperti semalaman yang tak berubah

Kaulah tanda tanya
Kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena
Dikejut igau semula
Kaulah tanda tanya
Kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena
Dikejut igau semula

Seandainya kau berada di depan mata
Mudah untuk aku berkata-kata
Supaya dapatku melihat seraut wajahmu
Walaupun belum tentu kau mahu bertemu
Apalagi memandangku
Setelah ku turutkan segala kemahuan
Kau mainkan perasaan
Begitu mudah kau ucapkan
Terimalah saja kenyataan
Aku masih terkilan

Maafmu tak bererti kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Ulang Chorus 2X

Jika kau dapat memahami
Hati seorang perindu
Baru kau tahu derita hatiku
Jika suatu hari nanti giliran kau merindu
Baru kau ingat derita diriku
Segala yang berlaku bukan kemahuanku
Apa gunanya bahagia
Jikalau bahagia bersamamu
Hanyalah untuk sementara waktu
Aku pilih derita merinduimu

Maafmu tak bererti
Kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai


tepu jab...
hmmm....

pikirr.. n xleh henti memikir...

What shud i..

Dear God,

I know this is not how shud i ask for some attention..

But i do need to clear my thought from keeping me out of focus.

I've made a decision that is killing myself : TO LOVE SOMEONE THAT SHOULD NOT BE THE ONE TO LOVE..

I've tried all these years, to love someone else.. But than the love wasnt strong enuff for me to forget n let go tìs person from my past..

It comes to my senses why all these years, i cudnt love anyone with all my heart, coz tis person is still there..

I tot all this while, tis person is gone, and doesnt bring much impact on me, but when looking back on the matter of time, it is..

The people i used to be with b4, resemble tis person. The background, the interest. Not only that. My interests also r influenced by tis person. Tis person overshadows me in everything..

The most obvious thing comes to my mind is, i become very sensitive to anyone with similar name. Those ppl will get my special attention just bcoz they hv similar name.. But at the end, i left them cold hearted bcoz they r not tat person. Not the same at all..

Wut shud i do? In silence, i cried. Most of the time. I am late. Late enuff till i lost tis person. I cant face my stupidity. My late. My action. My mistake for not having the courage to go n get tis person.

Now, tis person, even close but far from reach. I am really hurt with tis. I wanna wake up from tis hurt, but as if i lost my leg to stand. I dunno wut shud i do.

I do really love tis person, but i know i cant.. I shudnt..

Really, wut shud i do?

I dunwanna lose tis person, coz i dont think i cud bear to live without tis person.. again..

I am haunted by my past mistake of letting tis person go.. N i just cudnt let tis person go away.. again.. tis time..

Again, tell me, wut shud i do..

I am damn weak now.. And getting weaker..

Realiti dan fantasi..

Salam..

Smlm one whole day kat umah ewok. Company dia sbb dia xsehat.. Xwat pe pun aku smlm. Aku mark paper aku sket.. Sket jek tau!

Ari ni da officially masok keje balik. Huh! Org laen masok keje monday dpn, tp aku diarahkan ari ni. De due date yg perlu dikejar. Hmm.. Skolaku rumahku la npk gayanye..

Sbb smlm aku tdo lambat, around 3.30. On tv tgk bola kunun. Tried to watch. Haha.. At the end, tv tgk aku.. Ngan lampu tebukak sme.. Hahaha.. Cam hape ntah tdo sme tebukak!!

Smlm bro fazly start post vc youtube lagu 80an. Terus aku ngan ewok wat gle carik vc lagu2 80an.. Naik status fb smlm, mode 80an. Fran, dwen, ibnor riza, alleycats, haha.. Byk gak la smlm.. Layan babe! Skalik dpt gak komen n like dr doang.. Depe kate aku kasik bangkit nostalgia zmn kekecik.. Haha.. Xpe, layan jek!!

Tp mood aku mati ble tetibe ewok mintak aku carik satu lagu. Name band tu crossfire. Xtau tajok lagu. Then search, tajoknye realiti n fantasi. Click play. Bising mulut aku tanye lagu pe. Intro muzik xnh dgr. Tp ble start line pertama, aku ase nk melompat!

Bebaru ni de someone chosed the song. Reaksi aku same. Aku kate xpnh dgr. Dan ble dgr aku terkedu.

Tuhan, dugaan apa yg diberikan pd aku.. Aku carik kekuatan utk berhadapan ngan realiti. Berada dlm fantasi mmg indah. Tp sampai bile.. Mmg sgt slese.. Seolah fantasi itu milik aku. Aku yg mencorakkannye. Tp pabila realiti menjelma, aku sakit. Aku xtertepis ngan kedua belah tgn aku.. Yg mampu aku lakukan, menekup muka aku dgn kedua belah tgn aku, n meraung tangis sepuasnya..

Tp sampai bila?? Realiti dan fantasi, dua perkara berbeza..

HANYUT - FT

layan HANYUT dari FT..

best... sgt!!!

here it is!!

Harus bagaimana lagi
Dan terus begini
Dengarkan aku
Lihat ke mataku...

Cukup sudah kau menghukum
Salahku tetap salahku
Benarkan ku berbicara
Agar bisa pulih semua

Namun harus sampai bila
Kau kan diam seribu bahasa

Maafkanlah ku tak bisa hidup tanpa kamu
Fahamilah ku tak mampu terus tanpa kamu
Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila tiada mengganti
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

Saat mata terpejam
Hanya kau ku terbayang
Menghapus semua segala rasa di jiwaku

Saat mata terbuka
Kamulah yang pertama
Tak mampu aku
Bayangkan
Hidup tanpa dirimu

Aku memang bersalah
Selalu saja mengabaikan mu
Dan tapi dah ku sedari
Segala perit kau lalui
Ku terlupa kau terluka

Dan memang selalu
Aku bersalah
Selalu saja mengabaikan mu
Meninggalkan mu
Dan tetapi itulah aku sedari
Segala perit yang kau lalui
Kerna diriku yang terus hanyut

hmm.. i miss my SUPERMAN.. luv ya!!

Staying alive..

Salam..

I attended a workshop at ppd tis morning. The workshop was about a grading system to measure the school performance. Every principal, data tchr, n xm coordinator were ordered to be there..

Bout the workshop, nothing too much to say. Runs smoothly. Understandable. But it needs the 3 ppl mentioned early to perform each task to make sure the system is fully completed by june 27.

Well, the tone is formal i guess. Not in mood to report. But somehow, this is not the task that i shud perform. It is someone else. Mad? I am. Coz i still have something else to be done. Have to take care few other things. But then, another irrelevant task comes..

Hmm..

"Saya yang menurut perintah"

the road not taken..

salam..

semaken jarang irene menulis kan... hmm.. jiwa kacau lahh.. ambah ngan keje yang semakin banyak mengejar waktu.. terasa agak ketat sket tiap minit yang berlalu..

school holidays.. sesuatu ttg schl holidays.. selalunyer irene menanti kedatangan waktu nih.. bangun lambat, mandi lambat, tgk tv.. iskk pangai!! x senonoh lgsg!!

tp keadaan berubah.. coti skola ke, idak ke, skola ku rumah ku.. tp x jd syurga ku, sbb ade jek keje kene wat..

penah dgr THE ROAD NOT TAKEN? alerr.. english teachers, mesti da nyampah giler ngan poem nih..

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20

poem nih di ajar utk plajar form 4, tp setakat tahun lepas. tahun nih da dapat text laen.. nk tau ngape ngan poem neh?? haa... here, i paste the meaning of the poem taken from www.cummingsstudyguides.net

Summary, Stanza 1

On the road of life, the speaker arrives at a point where he must decide which of two equally appealing (or equally intimidating) choices is the better one. He examines one choice as best he can, but the future prevents him from seeing where it leads.

Summary, Stanza 2

The speaker selects the road that appears at first glance to be less worn and therefore less traveled. This selection suggests that he has an independent spirit and does not wish to follow the crowd. After a moment, he concludes that both roads are about equally worn.

Summary, Stanza 3

Leaves cover both roads equally. No one on this morning has yet taken either road, for the leaves lie undisturbed. The speaker remains committed to his decision to take the road he had previously selected, saying that he will save the other road for another day. He observes, however, that he probably will never pass this way again and thus will never have an opportunity to take the other road.

Summary, Stanza 4

In years to come, the speaker says, he will be telling others about the choice he made. While doing so, he will sigh either with relief that he made the right choice or with regret that he made the wrong choice. Whether right or wrong, the choice will have had a significant impact on his life.

Notes

1..The road beyond the bend may represent the future or the unknown, neither of which can be perceived.
2..Here, Frost uses personification, saying that the road has a claim.
3..Personification occurs here also if wanted means desired. No personification occurs, however, if wanted means lacked.
4..Sigh can indicate relief or happiness, or it can indicate regret or sorrow. The interpretation of its meaning is up to the reader.


what is this all about? MYSELF. i am at the diverged road. dunno either to take the left or the right turn. both equally hurt me. i am still standing there, looking at what opportunity would each offers me.

all this while, i am a very confidence person. like a friend of mine has said, "kalo u kate itam, itam laa.. kalo putih, putih laa..". but tis time, i couldnt decide. getting confused each day.

still searching for the answer. tp semakin mencarik, semakin luka. semakin keliru! semakin lemah. semakin terduduk.

sahabat, maafkan aku, kalo ketika nih, sukar utk kamu melihat aku.. aku sendiri sukar mencari AKU

salam~